Soccer and Shish Kabobs

From Wikiquote

I first heard of Mitch Hedberg from the glowing obits that appeared all over the web in 2005. Since then I have seen and/or heard about 5 hours of his stuff and I must say he's the funniest stand-up I've come across. I might regret admitting this in cold print but right now, after listening to his CD Strategic Grill Locations, I have about the same reverence for him as I do for Coltrane and Rollins.

Wikiquote has a huge collection of one liners by him(check it out soon because the page will probably not remain up for long). They're great but they really don't do him justice -- they work best with that junkie voice floating on top of a walking bass. Here are some of my favourite lines:

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid-back company. They said, "F*** it. Cut 'em up!"

I get the Reese's candy bar. If you read that name "Reese's", that's an apostrophe S. Reese's apostrophe S at the end of that name. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar and a guy name Reese comes by and says, "Let me have that," you better hand it over. "I'm sorry, Reese. I didn't think I'd ever run into you. You're a f***ing bully, man. Let me at least have a Piece."